Oh Dear, Joe Kinnear!!!!

Whether or not you are a football fan, you should still check this out. The new interim manager of Newcastle United, Joe Kinnear, gave a tirade of shocking continous swearing to a horde of journalists during a recent press conference, with a barrage of F-words bombarded at LIVE journalist for a record 52 times!!! Kinner was absolutely furious towards a certain journalist, a Mr. Simon Bird from the ‘Daily Mirror’ newspaper that ran a story about Kinnear. The paper claimed that during his first day at office, and at a scheduled meeting with all his new players that he will be in charge of, the entire squad went missing. It claimed that due to the player’s complete lack of confidence in Kinnear’s managerial abilities, the squad decided not to waste their time and duly walked off. The headline duly read “Joe Kinnear, There’s No One Here”. Don’t you just love the English gossip papers for dramatism? Joe Kinnear blew his top off and took each journalist by the scruff of their necks and let loose a bombardment of verbal swearing that will make even the Godfather beam with pride. Here’s the dramatic emotional explosion recorded in all its colorful glory. Mind you, it does contain a few F-words or two…

The Sound Bite.

F**kin' amazing, innit? Talk about his inadequacies as a manager, the people were dead on. Where's your media handlin' skills, ey Joe?

The Complete Transcript.

Ah, and some people say the English language is one of the most beautiful of all languages. How quaint, how charming. Did you miss a F-word in between the C-words and all? Yes, well, feat not, here’s the entire transcript for your complete enjoyment!!! Do kindly share it in English class, your teacher will definitely love you for contributions in exposing the vibrancy that is the English language. Oh, the Queen would have been utterly proud!!! Read on:

[START]

Joe Kinnear: Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror's north-east football writer]?

Simon Bird: Me.

JK: You're a c**t.

SB: Thank you.

JK: Which one is Hickman [Niall, football writer for the Express]? You are out of order.
Absolutely f**king out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can f**k off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that f**king crap. No f**king way, lies. F**k, you're saying I turned up and they [Newcastle's players] f**ked off.

SB: No Joe, have you read it, it doesn't actually say that. Have you read it?

JK: I've f**king read it, I've read it.

SB: It doesn't say that. Have you read it?

JK: You are trying to f**king undermine my position already.

SB: Have you read it, it doesn't say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off.

JK: F**k off. F**k off. It's your last f**king chance.

SB: You read the copy? It doesn't say that you didn't know.

JK: What about the headline, you think that's a good headline?

SB: I didn't write the headline, you read the copy.

JK: You are negative b**tards, the pair of you.

SB: So if I get a new job next week would I take the first day off? No I wouldn't. If I get a new job should I call my boss and tell him I am taking the first day off?

JK: It is none of your f**king business. What the f**k are you going to do? You ain't got the balls to be a f**king manager. F**king day off. Do I want your opinion. Do I have to listen to you?

SB: No, you can listen to who you want.

JK: I had a 24-hour meeting with the entire staff.

SB: Joe, you are only here six weeks, you could have done that on Sunday, or Saturday night.

JK: No, no, no. I didn't want to do it. I had some other things to do.

SB: What? More important things?

JK: What are you? My personal secretary? F**k off.

SB: You could have done the meeting Saturday night or Sunday. You could have had them watching videos, you could have organised them.

JK: I was meeting the f**king chairman the owner, everyone else. Talking about things.

SB: It is a valid point that was made in there. A valid point.

JK: I can't trust any of you.

Niall Hickman: Joe, no one could believe that on your first day at your new club, the first-team players were not in. No one could believe it in town. Your first day in the office.

JK: My first day was with the coaches. I made the decision that I wanted to get as much information out of them.

NH: But why Monday, no one could believe it?

JK: I'm not going to tell you anything. I don't understand where you are coming from. You are
delighted that Newcastle are getting beat and are in the state they are? Delighted, are you?

NH: Certainly not. No one wants to see them get beaten, why would we?

JK: I have done it before. It is going to my f**king lawyers. So are about three others. If they can find something in it that is a court case it is going to court. I am not f**king about. I don't talk to f**king anybody. It is raking up stories. You are f**king so f**king slimy you are raking up players that I got rid of. Players that I had fallen out with. You are not asking Robbie Earle, because he is sensible. You are not asking Warren Barton? No. Because he is f**king sensible. Anyone who had played for me for 10 years at any level ... [but] you will find some c**t that ...

Other journalist: How long is your contract for Joe?

JK: None of your business.

SB: Well it is actually, because we cover the club. The club say you are here to the end of October, then you say six to eight games which would take it to the end of November. We are trying to clarify these issues. We are getting no straight answers from anyone. How long are you here for. It is a dead simple question. And you don't know ...

JK: I was told the length of contract. Then I was told that possibly the club could be sold in that time. That is as far as I know. That's it finished. I don't know anything else. But I have been ridiculed. He's trying to f**king hide, he's trying to do this or that.

(There follows an exchange regarding the circumstances under which Kinnear had met the owner Mike Ashley and executive director (football) Dennis Wise.)

Steve Brenner (football writer for the Sun): We are all grown men and can come in here and sit around and talk about football, but coming in here and calling people c**ts?

JK: Why? Because I am annoyed. I am not accepting that. If it is libellous, it is going to where I want it to go.

Newcastle press officer: What has been said in here is off the record and doesn't go outside.
Journalist Well, is that what Joe thinks?

JK: Write what you like. Makes no difference to me. Don't affect me I assure you. It'll be the last time I see you anyway. Won't affect me. See how we go at Everton and Chrissy [Chris Hughton, assistant manager] can do it, someone else can do it. Don't trust any of yous. I will pick two local papers and speak to them and the rest can f**k off. I ain't coming up here to have the piss taken out of me. I have a million pages of crap that has been written about me. I'm ridiculed for no reason. I'm defenceless. I can't get a point in, I can't say nothing, I can't do nothing, but I ain't going to be negative. Then, half of you, most of you are trying to get into the players. I'm not going to tell you what the players think of you, so then you try and get into them in some way or another, so I've got a split camp or something like that, something like that. It's ongoing. It just doesn't stop.

Journalist: It's only been a week.

JK: Exactly. It feels more like a year.

Journalist: It's early days for you to be like this.

JK: No, I'm clearing the air. And this is the last time I'm going to speak to you. You want to know why, I'm telling you. This is the last time. You can do what you like.

Journalist: But this isn't going to do you or us any good.

JK: I'll speak to the supporters. I'm going to tell them what the story is. I'm going to tell them. I don't think they'll interpret it any different, I don't think they'll mix it up, I don't think they'll miss out things. I mean, one of them last week said to me ... I was talking about in that press conference where you were there, I said something like "Well, that's a load of bollocks ..."

Journalist: "Bollocks to that" is what you said.

JK: Bollocks to that. And what goes after that?

Journalist: That was it.

JK: No it wasn't, no it wasn't. What was after it? I don't know if it was your paper, but what went after it?

Journalist: I don't know.

JK: It even had the cheek to say "bollocks to Newcastle".

Journalist: I didn't write that.

JK: That was my first f**king day. What does that tell you? What does that tell you?

Journalist: Where was that? Which paper said that?

JK: I've got it. I can't remember. It was one of the Sundays, not a Saturday. It was a Sunday.

Journalist: But you didn't say that to the Sundays, you said that to us. That was during the Monday press conference.

JK: I'll bring it in and show it to you. Why would I want to say that?

Journalist: Are you saying that someone has reported you saying "bollocks to Newcastle?"

JK: Yes. Lovely.

Journalist: I don't know who's reported that.

JK: I'll tell you what, I'll bring it in.

Journalist: That's obviously going to damage you. That's not a good thing. But I don't think someone's done that. We have to have some sort of relationship with you.

JK: So have I. But I haven't come in here for you lot to take the piss out of me. And if I'm not flavour of the month for you, it don't f**king bother me. I've got a job to do. And I'm going to do it to the best of my ability. I'm not going to spend any more time listening to any crap or reading any crap. Stick to the truth and the facts. And don't twist anything.

Journalist: You know, you know the game ...

JK: Of course I know, but I don't have to like it.

Journalist: Today we'll print the absolute truth, that you think we're c**ts, we can all f**k off and we're slimy. Is that fair enough?

JK: Do it. Fine. F**king print it. Am I going to worry about it? Put in also that it'll be the last time I see you. Put that in as well. Good. Do it.Much, much later after long discussions over whether Kinnear had promised Alan Shearer and Kevin Keegan would be returning to the club

Press officer: Let's get on to football. Let's have an agreement that everything said so far, if anyone has got their tapes on, it's wiped off and we're not discussing it.

Journalist: But that's what Joe has said he thinks of us.

Press officer: I'm saying don't push it. Let's accept what's been said and try and move on.

Journalist: Move on to not doing any more press conferences?

PO: No, to doing something now.

Journalist: What, one press conference only?

(Silence)

Journalist: Any knocks?

PO: Come on, let's go football.

Journalist: What are your plans for training in the next three days? How's the training going?

JK: It's going very well. No problems at all.

Journalist: Enjoyed getting back in the swing of things?

JK: Absolutely. I've loved every moment of it.

[END]

The Background.

So, how did this mess emerge from the gutters of England and be laid nakedly bare for all the entire world to perceive? Hence forth is the background, before the tirade began…

Newcastle United Football Club is in a shambolic state that disgraces even the least loyal of fans. Newcastle United is one of the best supported clubs in England, if not the world. Mind you, Newcastle is the only football club in England that carries the distinction of being the sole club in a big city. In Manchester, there is Manchester United & Manchester City. In Liverpool there is Liverpool FC and Everton. But in the region of Tyneside, there is the one and only Newcastle United. So, the fan-base is huge and so are the expectations for the club. But for decades, the club never did manage to achieve the heights that all Newcastle fans had hoped it would reach.

Looking at the current situation now, the doom and gloom will darken even the most optimistic of fans. Recently, the club was bought over by an American billionaire, Mike Ashley, but now he wishes to sell out completely to the highest bidder. The so-called messiah of Newcastle United, Kevin Keegan, resigns in protest to the managerial structure that was created when the takeover took place. Keegan has no say in the transfers of his players, and that is like saying a driver has no control of his brakes. A certain Mr. Dennis Wise has control over the transfer policies, and this is not so wise a policy according to Kevin Keegan and he duly resigns.

And this is where our motor-mouth of a manager enters the lion’s den of the journalist’s attention. Our colorful Joe Kinnear took over the reigns of the club, and that is only after a reportedly 15 managers rejected the post before him. Kinnear, a senior in English football but hardly the most popular, takes over on a game-by-game basis. But to the fans, a club that is of Newcastle’s stature should not employ such a pitiable individual. From day one, Kinnear was bombarded by the press for his inadequacies as a football manager and also for the dismal lack of respect that he commands from his players that he is in charge of. A certain journalist by the name of Simon Bird from the 'Daily Mirror' newspaper in the UK enters the fray and runs a report claiming that on Kinnear’s first day at office, due to lack of confidence by his players on Kinner, was no where to be seen during a scheduled meeting with the players. A tabloid story made up to sell more papers or is it just simply true? You decide.

But whatever it may be, this episode of explosive emotional outburst will definitely go down as one of the most dramatic, if not most colorful, dramas to ever engulf the world of English football. The 2nd most memorable incident? Coincidentally, it was a man we hear all so often recently; it was Mr. Kevin Keegan himself. But that’s another story. In the meantime, I would ‘lurve’ it to see Dennis Wise get kicked out of Newcastle United and Kevin Keegan be re-instated as the manager of the club, I would absolutely ‘lurve’ it. And Kinnear as his assistant. The world of English football would be as explosive as ever. And oh, bring back Jose Mourinho. I would definitely LURVE that…