Reminiscence, 2009.

It’s been so long since I’ve updated by blog. Felt like it’s been weeks. Or months. Or a year?

And already Chinese New Year is upon us. Speaking of years, how was your year of 2009?

For me, I can’t deny it was a good year. In fact, it’s been a great year. It was a roller coaster year full of emotions, changes, challenges, realizations, disappointments, triumphs, all a cacophony of sensations wrapped up in a nice little whirlwind thrusting me into new horizons that I’ve not known or experienced, until now.

Emotions. Joy, happiness, anticipation, exhilaration, love. It was a year blessed with many of such emotions and it lighted up a year that was truly extraordinary. Marriage is such a miracle that brings out emotions that one cannot truly feel until you experience it. Love itself then blooms into something much more than simply love. Love grows into so many facets now, so many levels and so many dimensions that I’ve not experienced or felt before. There is love, and then there is being in love, and then there is being loved. And I’m still learning about this emotion until this very day, perhaps until my dying day. Yes, love at times can be bitter, but one cannot experience love without the pain, or else it wouldn’t be a true emotion in its purest sense, or else there wouldn’t be true love, is there?

Changes & Challenges. There were so many. From bachelorhood to manhood. And you think life is already a challenge, wait till you get married. Winding the clock a wee bit back to the time when I was just about to get married, I was not exactly jumping for joy. I was actually quite scared. Very scared, in fact. There were so many confusing feelings. Maybe I was just nervous for the big day. Maybe I’ve not gone through this path before and I’m scared of how things will turn out. Or maybe my life will change forever. Maybe I’m scared of the changes that will occur after the big day. Maybe I’m scared of leaving behind my life once so comfortable, so free, and now, there will be serious obligations.

But don’t get me wrong, there were no regrets. I was happy for that special day to arrive and still happy to this very day.

But these changes were challenging. However life needs to progress I suppose. Nothing worth living for lies in constant motion, and my life needs to progress. Or else it wouldn’t be this silly thing called life, isn’t it?

I thought it was the right time to make progress for myself, the right time to flip the pages of life and write the next chapter. And my book is at the stage where the next chapter needs a new character to play, and there she was, and there she was the one. Did I have doubts about it? No, I just knew. We all will know in the end, we will all know who the perfect one is. It’s a magical sprinkle of a miracle within your heart that hints at an unavoidable inevitability. You’ll just know, and that is what I’ve learned.

Triumphs. SL’s acceptance of my hand in marriage was my greatest triumph. The moment she whispered “Yes”, all of the world stood still and silence filled the air all around except for her voice. A warm numbness overwhelmed me and yet my throat felt cold. I could not speak. I just smiled. She smiled in return. I held her hand, I kept her close, we kept each other warm and we looked overhead as fireworks kept blooming with abundance and color in the night’s sky. We were in Hong Kong, in Disneyland and it was on Valentine’s Day with the fireworks in full flourish. We were in love. Put simply, it was just unforgettable.

Well, those were the good parts of my life in 2009. Nothing is constantly a bed of roses. Things get greyer and darker from here on….

Realizations. I realized something this year. I realized that I’m kinda rich. No la just kidding. I realized that money doesn’t really make me happy. The initial reason I switched job from my previous company to the current one was mainly on the monetary factor. They doubled my salary. How can I resist? But the catch: I was to be posted to Labuan, Sabah until further notice. Although my current company did it’s best to adapt me to my new surroundings as much as possible (transportation, housing – although I rented my own room in the end for more privacy, unlimited handphone line, laptop for convenience while travelling and allowance), nothing feels like home sweet home. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m dying here from home-sickness. Labuan has its charms that I like – relaxing, friendly, peaceful. But home is truly where the heart is. Anyway, My bank account bulged (and it was one reason why I decided on marriage this year, to have it over with while it is still possible before it’s all gone to God knows where!!), but so what? I was really truly happy? Was married life supposed to be two souls separated apart by bi-weekly flights? No. I thought my decision to change jobs to this current company was a long-term decision. But I guess now it’s a just a short-term one.

Disappointments. There were disappointments in 2009, but thank God it was not explicit or distinct. It was more like leftover food stuck in between your teeth that just annoyed you to bits. You try to remove it, but it wouldn’t budge until you get a jackhammer and jammed it off from your mouth. Abit dramatic but hey, isn’t life a soup opera without the stars? Bottom line is, the biggest disappointments all came from work. As the economy slowed, so did everyone’s prospects in the company, and some had no prospects at all in the company as their jobs were cut. Not just in Malaysia, it was worldwide, and in Houston (company HQ), the cuts were more prominent. Here, only those on a contract basis and the deadwoods (i.e. expired old hacks that still think they can contribute to the company by sitting around and simply warming chairs and making retarded jokes that we are forced to laugh). But the cuts did affect my department. One staff under my supervision was cut. Another got job-rotated to another department (God - and my manager - only knows why job rotation were in practice when job cuts were in full effect. Oooops sorry, my manager was simply being a manager by doing brainless things). So, two employees under my supervision were cut and no additions were possible. Which means my department’s American style governance collapsed and thus switched to the typical Chinese rule of the kiam-siap “one leg kick all” style of jurisdiction – meaning one guy has to handle multiple guys jobs. Hence the 2 guy’s jobs that were released were to be absorbed into my job description. But luckily there’s still 2 more assistants under me and one of them – G, a girl, is extremely helpful. So the cog is still turning and churning out the results, but for how long? Plans are now in place to add new recruits, but again, God – and my manager – only knows…

Well that’s a slice from my apple pie of 2009. Hope yours was as interesting and absorbing as mine. Here’s to 2010….

From the Corner - A Musical Companion

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