It's just a Spider, man...

Weekend of 5th May ~ 6th May


After the Pulau Ketam long weekend, I cooled down the activities by chillin’ and bummin’ at home. Bummed around the house playing PS2, chatting on MSN, running around naked (without anyone at home of course) & continued reading “The Golden Compass” (the last time I stopped, it was 4 months ago. Continuing it now, I had absolutely NO CLUE on what the heck this book’s about. Sighh ~~~). And by the way, reading a book with no clothes on is absolutely exhilarating, the book is so much more exciting and enthralling because….well, because….i’m naked and scared people suddenly come back haha. Anyway….

Spider-Man 3

Saturday night I headed off to KLCC with SL, V and TK to watch the biggest summer movie of the entire….weekend. Yes, no doubt, it had to be Spider-Man 3. I entered the cinema with great expectations and anticipation, considering what I think will be last celluloid affair from the threesome greatsome of Sam Raimi, Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst, their last foray with the Spidey Universe. In summary, my feeling towards the movie was like SEX. Yes, SEX. Just imagine you are with your partner; hugging, kissing and caressing each other accompanied by no one else except each other, with gentle serenades of love songs hovering in the sizzling hot air, driving each other to do more. With hands all over each other, clothes amok on the floor all over, both naked, burning for THAT touch, we get ever so closer, the smell of her tenderness blending so well with the warmth of her skin, almost there….almost there….AND THEN SHE LEAVES THE FREAKIN’ BEDROOM & SLAMS THE DOOR HARD SHUT. (Note my use of the word ‘hard’ is only used in this part).

And this is how I felt towards Spider-Man 3. It promised so greatly, gave so much for the viewer to see, it was so vivid with characterization…and in the end it was just a slap in the face. Let me tell you why:

1.) Venom/Eddie Brock – Why is this character included in this movie in the first place? This character is so detached from the main plotlines of Spidey 3 and serves no purpose in the movie at all except to give Spidey another bad guy to fight and bash-up. This character is shown in such a flat manner that it doesn’t give Venom any edge of evilness whatsoever. I did not care weather he came from Mars or Uranus, weather even it will come back in Spidey 4 or even he possesses Samy Velu and starts to threaten all KL motorists with a 500% toll hike (help Spider-man, help). He serves no purposes except to give producers the excuse to milk the cash cows until dry from marketing, merchandising and hype. Venom is a cool character in the comics, cool to the point of cult status, and this movie cannibalized everything the comic books took decades to assemble. Shame.

2.) Sam Raimi, Director – His style of directing is getting too old and too monotonous after 3 helms at the pilot seat. The action sequences are nothing new as we saw the bulk of the special effects already from Spidey 1 & 2. The cinematography look tiresome & unexciting, which in my opinion made the movie look cheap and shoddy. The editing is however, up to his usual interesting standards (just think of the Evil Dead movies). The only highlight is the transformation of William Baker to Sandman, as we see each speck of sand slowly move & manifest themselves into a humanoid being. The sequence shows wonderfully the efforts and motivations it took to become Sandman (for the love of his daughter), all played out in exceptional self-drama. And the best part is, all this is shown without a single word is uttered. Pictures do speak a thousand words….

3.) Green Goblin II/Harry Osborne – Seeing him in 3 spidey movies is enough for me to turn-off my excitement levels right away. Although we see more of Harry in this movie than the Green Goblin, but enough is enough, the less said about him the better. A serious mistake from the start.

4.) Spider-Man/Peter Parker – Selfish and ignorant, even with the help of the super-badass black suit, Parker was portrayed as the way he really is and will always be: A DORK. Yes, a dork, as even he is possessed by the black suit, he can only muster a few dorky lame dance moves all over town which could have embarrassed him to a level not even a normal Peter Parker can manage to achieve. Way to go, superhero.

5.) Mary Jane – Insecure and demoralized from life, she is portrayed as a “lady in distress” and wants to be rescued so badly not from Spider-Man, but by Peter Parker. She wonders why she is not the spotlight in Parker’s eyes, and longs for attention from him. At any time Peter is not giving his full attention to her, she goes into an epilepsy of jealousy and uncertainty, uncertain for her love towards Peter. Her feelings can be easily understood, as Peter, her boyfriend, doesn’t give her the full attention that she deserves as Peter swings around town being Superhero. All she wants is a normal boyfriend, and not Spider-man. But in the end, her problems are not really resolved, so I must put up this question: why show all her problems to us if her character has no closure? Opps, I forgot, SPIDER-MAN 4….

6.) Overall Spider-Man Universe – All in all, the time is ripe for this universe to be passed on to another director with an alternative vision to expand this creation onto another dimension. One comes to mind is definitely Peter Jackson. He handles drama, action and special effects so effortlessly, and these aspects are the core demands of the Spider-Man universe. So what are you waiting for, Sony Pictures? Give this guy the contract and a $10 billion bucks paycheck already….

In the end, I come out of the cinema with a sore back from the long windedness of the movie, and an unexpected disappointment not towards the movie in general, but towards Sam Raimi, the director, which in my opinion, can do a hell lot more. So, can’t wait for Spider-Man 4? Heck no, I definitely CAN wait. Until that time comes, BRING ON TRANSFORMERS!!!!!! WOOHOOO!!!!!!

From the Corner - A Musical Companion

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