Bauer Power

Thanks to my couzie from swedie (Sweden, that is) I got to read some of the funniest facts about Jack Bauer. He is of course, THE bad-ass of television at the moment, doing bad for the sake of good, kickin’ terrorist ass on TV sets for the series called ’24’.

If you don’t have a stinkin’ ball’s idea of who he is, let me enlighten you. He is a key member from a Government Organization called CTU or ‘Counter Terrorist Unit’ and he has helped to deter major terrorist attacks on the United States, its civilians & its government hotshots. He goes great lengths to get his job done, until to the point of being a target himself as well as his loved ones numerous times. “Great lengths” does not do justice to what he will do to get what he wants and to achieve his primary objective; he is super-bad and will be super-badder is he needs to.

I mean, how bad is this Jack bad-ass? Let me explain: once a terrorist killed himself so that Jack Bauer can’t torture him. Jack just laughed, brought him back to life, and proceeded to torture him. And he is still laughing. God, I love him. In fact, I love him so much, my girlfriend accidentally shouted “Jack” while we were in bed and it made me finish too early. I call it "Premature Jack Elation"…
If you still don’t know who he is or what the heck is he about, well, it’s goddamn time you knew, couse Jack WOULD want you to know. Read on and know your Jack shit right here:

FACT:-

Jack Bauer killed the first six 00 agents.

On Sunday mornings, Jack skips church. God comes to his house instead.

Jesus wasn't crucified by the Romans. He had information that Jack Bauer needed.

When British American Tobacco claimed that cigarettes didn't cause cancer in test subjects, their test subjects were all Jack Bauer.

When Jack Bauer enters a church, the chior stops what they're doing and sings "Hallelujah." Every time.

In Poker, Jack Bauer doesn't need to bluff. He looks at an opponent, tells them to fold, and they do so. Always.

"The valley of the shadow of death", refers to anywhere within a 25 mile radius of Jack Bauer.

When God cries, it rains. When Jack Bauer cries, acid falls from the sky.

Jack Bauer was once at a club and was asked if he could break dance. Minutes later the dance floor was littered with broken bodies.

USC's football team hasn't lost a home game since Jack Bauer killed a team of terrorists at the L.A. Coliseum. This has nothing to do with USC's football team; visiting teams are just afraid that Jack Bauer is still there.

Backup calls for Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer once burned an Ashlee Simpson CD. He didn't copy it; he just lit that shit on fire.

The safety on Jack's gun isn't there to protect Jack. It's there to protect the gun.

Jack Bauer carries a hospital around with him at all times, it is the size of a 9mm bullet.

Jack Bauer can type 90 words per minute. On his cell phone.

Jack Bauer doesn't use soft toilet paper. He does't use rough toilet paper. He uses sandpaper.

Pi runs on forever in fear of Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer's cock has been cast to play the snake in Anaconda 3.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Unless the bird is in Jack Bauer's hand. Then that fucking bird is dead.

Why does Jack Bauer run through firefights standing completely erect? Because God will not let his greatest creation die...Jack Bauer knows this.

Jack Bauer is the only government employee that has the 24 hours on and two years off work schedule.

Someone created the Jack Bauer diet but most people couldn't stomach that many nails and pieces of wraught iron.

When the US Army discovered Saddam Hussien, it was only because Jack Bauer finally told them where he had been torturing Saddam for five years.

When asked what he most enjoys about his work, Jack Bauer responded, "There's nothing like stabbing a terrorist in the chest and watching him writhe around in pain, looking into his eyes knowing that my face is the last thing he'll ever see alive. I feel as if I'm devouring his soul. As he's inhaling his last breath, sometimes I like to whisper into his ear that I just nailed his wife, even if I hadn't, but I usually had. Then after he dies I'll go back to his house and nail his wife, just to be sure. After all, I'm just doing my job."

Jack Bauer never takes a piss, because his urine is afraid to come out.

Jack trained for nine years with monk blackbelts to learn how to talk on three cell phones with extreme intensity at the same time.

Jack Bauer was once allergic to the animal known as the Dodo Bird. Long story short, the Dodo bird is now extinct.

Jack Bauer can take two years off from CTU and still remember all his access codes, because they know better than to change them while he's gone.

Jack Bauer's car number plate reads: IKIL4CTU.

In the summertime, Jack Bauer shoots his own hands and fills up bags with his blood. He then hangs those bags up around the porch to keep mosquitoes away from him and his guests.

The Hulk wouldn't like Jack Bauer when he's angry.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.

Jack Bauer is uncircumcised. Baby Jack stabbed the doctor in the neck for daring to come near his penis.

Jack Bauer has received a grand total of $1.3 million from the tooth fairy.

Why negotiate with terrorists when you can send Jack Bauer after them?

Jack Bauer doesn't buy plane tickets. He stows away in the cargo hold, sneaks into first class, knocks out the air marshall, steals his gun and then get the pilot to take him where ever he wants.

Jack Bauer doesn't kill terrorists. The terrorists actually die from fear of being killed by Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer could easily stop terrorists from the minute he gets the call. He just decides to give them 24 hours from the goodness of his heart.

When Santa Claus asked Jack Bauer what he wanted for Christmas, he snapped his neck. No one interrogates Jack Bauer and gets away with it.

Jack Bauer does not get revenge, he is revenge itself.

Jack Bauer once played the game where he had to guess which of three cups a ball was under. The ball promptly surrendered before he could speak.

The only true defense against Jack Bauer is a mirror.

Jack Bauer can eat steak with a straw.

How badass is Jack Bauer? He eats ribs for dinner. His OWN ribs.

Jack Bauer's swimming pool is called the Bermuda Triangle. ‘Cause nobody gets the fuck alive.

By Season 8 of 24, Jack Bauer will have taken more human lives than he has saved. Whoever's left will throw a party to commemorate the occasion.

When Jack Bauer hears a police siren, he doesn't pull over. The cop does, and lets Jack Bauer handle it.

In God we trust , but God trusts Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer has killed more people than Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris. And he did it in 24 hours.

Chuck Norris wears a beard to hide the scar Jack Bauer gave him.

Jack Bauer once downloaded the entire Internet onto his PDA.

Jack Bauer's cell phone ring is not set to 'vibrate' on purpose.Letting the terrorists know where he is hiding is all part of his bigger plan.

Barbie dumped Ken for Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer doesn't use toilet paper. He uses terrorists.

Jack Bauer only needs one page to solve the Da Vinci Code, not 454.

While most children were playing Cops and Robbers, Jack Bauer was playing Jack Bauer and Robbers. Those kids are still in jail today.

Jack Bauer fought Cancer. Now it's safe to smoke.

Jack Bauer's house has an alarm system -- not to warn Jack of intruders, but to warn the intruders of Jack.

When CTU didn't have a hacksaw per his request, Jack used his teeth to cut through the spinal cord of a suspect.

Jack Bauer never shaves; he shoots himself in the face every morning so his facial hair doesn't get the wrong idea.

When Jack Bauer calls the Prime Minister of Malaysia, Jack puts him on hold.

The devil sold his soul to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer is so busy and skilled, he shits standing up.

Jack never played hide and seek as a child. Instead he played seek and afflict pain on whoever he needed to in order to get the information he wanted. Jack still enjoys rousing rounds of this game and remains undefeated.

Keifer Sutherland smokes cigarettes. Jack Bauer smokes terrorists.

Before having sex with Jack Bauer, women must undergo a grueling 12 month training process.

If Jack Bauer asks to have just 5 minutes with you, run.

And finally, if Jack Bauer ever tells you to “trust me”, run faster.

Yup, that's Jack frekain' Bauer. I was surfin' the net and found some nice pictures of lovely Jack. I've added my personal commentary to these pictures for your added enjoyment:

Jack with some toilet trouble.

He’s always fair. Jack to terrorist: “ I’ll give you a half hour head start on that car of yours. I’ll catch up with this bike.” And he did.

Jesus to Jack: “I think you should take it easy with the body-count, Jack.”
Jack to Jesus: “What?! What’s your primary objective?! Gimme 5 minutes and I’ll get up there and smack you with this phone!!!”

Jack's just making sure you have a good hair cut.

Never piss off Jack.

I told you so.

Jack's torture of choice.

Jack’s School of Anti-Terrorism Excellence. Students get shot for getting ‘A minus’.

Companies should implement this across the nation.

Bauer at birth. His first kill…

“Ah, not you Jack Bauer.”

Prey damn hard it’s not Jack Bauer coming to get you.

I’ll vote for him if I were you. ‘Cause he WILL know where you’ll live.

Display these signs with pride.

"Who the mother-f**k is Jack Bauer??!!"

Haha, i've loads more but sorry to say i've ran out of spare time. 'Till next time !!! But remember, Jack's out there, he's watching, he's waiting, he's ready to strike coz he's simply Jack freakin' Bauer. Respect.

Oooopps....

Somebody (or many bodies) really hate my boss' car:

I shouldn't have told him the garden was a good place to park...craps.

At least this will be a lesson to the boss for messing with other people's OT pay..heeh.

Nice spoilers, boss!!!

Harry Potter & the Great Price War

Major happiness this weekend as I finally got myself a copy of the final chapter to the seven-part witchcraft & wizardry adventures of Harry Potter!!! I didn’t pre-order the book, I didn’t camp outside bookstores, I didn’t fight with anybody and I didn’t even queue to get my hands on ‘Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows’!!! That was because I knew going to major bookstores like MPH or Kinokuniya at places like Damansara, KL and Subang Jaya were impossible to get a copy, so I drove all the way down to place where readership of the Potter books may be a little less enthusiastic. I went down to Ampang instead, and hearing that hypermarkets were selling them at a cheap price, I quickly parked my car at Tesco Ampang and within 10 minutes, the book is in my hands ready to be caressed and molested day through night by my eager hands and eyes. But what was interesting was not how I got the book, but what happened instead prior to the high-profile launch of Book 7…

As most Malaysian would already know (unless you were living in a cave eating dumplings and having tea with Osama), a battle of the price wars erupted between hypermarkets and major bookstore chains across the country. Hypermarkets like Tesco and Carrefour sold their stock of the latest Harry Potter book at a very attractive price of RM69.90 (considering it’s a hard cover of a latest book) versus bookstore’s price of RM109.90 (MPH, Popular, Harris & Borders). The bookstores were disgusted with the ‘price-dumping’ move by the hypermarkets, and decided not sell the books at all until further notice. The bookstores’ reasoning is that the hypermarkets’ main products of profit were not books; hence they can afford to sell the books at a lower profit margin. But for the major bookstores, books and especially latest blockbuster novels like Harry Potter, are the main income generator for them, hence they need to squeeze as much profit from these books as much as possible (which explains the high price). With competitors (the hypermarkets) selling at a much lower price, the bookstores would need to lower or match the market price, which would result in eroding their profit margins steeply (and causing their company budgets to divert way off track). If the bookstores do not lower the price, I believe the bookstores may face a big problem in the future with over-stocking and storage (since demand is shifted to the hypermarkets with a lower price) which will involve more cost and erodes the profit margin further. With higher cost and declined profit margins, the bookstores therefore did not want to sell the books at all, even to the point of risking disappointing their customers, and instead plan to return the books to the publisher (Penguin Books) for a maybe full refund. It is also seen as a move to pressure Penguin Books to re-call the books from the hypermarkets, but pricing matters are up to the people that bought the books from the publishers (that’s why publishers print a ‘Suggested Retail Price’ tag on the covers as they can only suggest and not fix a price to sell to end-users, i.e. readers).

But what is interesting is that the hypermarkets can sell the books at RM69.90 at profit, which is a big difference of RM39.90. Imagine what’s the profit margins are like for the bookstores? If we take the cost per piece to be RM 30 for example, and sell it at RM109.90, the profit from just one book is a massive RM79.90!!! Now imagine the bookstores have 5,000 books in stock, and they manage to sell them in one month: a profit of RM399, 500!!! Of course there are no Harry Potter books every month but still, it’s good to know, doesn’t it? But I would love to know the actual cost per piece of these Harry Potter books, just would love it…

But whatever the outcome in the end, we the consumer got a good deal from the price competition and the hypermarkets got a great load of free publicity from all of this. As for the bookstores like MPH, Times and Harris, well, their move to pull out the sales of the books are understandable but great damage has been done to their image for not meeting the requirements of the consumers. Good or bad, the important thing is that ‘Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows’ are in my hands and…the fate of Harry is…he DIES!!!! AAARRGGGHHHHH!!!!! (just joking…or am I…?)

Homer & His Naked Playmate

I was surfing the net and I bumped into an interesting report. Salute to the marketing people of Fox studios to "chalk up" another superb marketing move to create some publicity for the upcoming 'The Simpsons Movie'. You may or may not know that resting on the hillsides of Dorset, England lies a historic and authentic 3-century-old chalk figure of a naked (and sexually aroused) man called the 'Cerne Abbas' giant. This site has been preserved and is high-regarded by religious Pagan people. So what did the folks at Fox Studio's do to this ancient drawing as a publicity stunt? Check out the pic below:

Yup, they drawn Homer Simpson in his underwear brandishing a donut as if to tempt the aroused giant to...(use your imagination here!!). This Homer Simpson figure has angered many strict Pagan believers in England, and it seems like they have made an official complaint to the movie studio. But Fox Studios has ensured the troubled Pagan people that Homer will not stay and play with the Giant for long because he is painted in bio-degradable chalk and he will immediate vanish when it rains. So the Pagans went straight into all out war against Homer and performed strong rain magic day and night to wash away the disgusting Homer. Frankly, I would just wash away Homer's underwear and paint a penis on it. Then we would have a real "sword fight", wouldn't we? Wakakaka....But seriously, what would you do?

Anyway, according to Wikipedia:

"The Cerne Abbas giant is a hill figure of a giant naked man on a hillside near the village of Cerne Abbas to the north of Dorchester in Dorset, England. The 55 metre (180 foot) high, 51 metre (167 foot) wide figure is carved into the side of a steep hill and is best viewed from the opposite side of the valley or from the air. The carving is formed by a trench 30cm (1 foot) wide and about the same depth which has been cut through the grass and earth into the underlying chalk. In his right hand the giant holds a knobbed club 36.5 metres (120 feet) long."

Seriously folks, is this a cool idea or what?? Hahah...

The Swedish Invasion (Part 1)

The weekend of 7th & 8th July

The Swedish contingent a.k.a. Swedish cousins (plus one illegal immigrant from Australia, but we’ll consider him as Swedish for simplicity sake) invaded our Malaysian shores and they strictly demanded fun times while at Malaysia. Well, since most of the Malaysian cousins are working now (me and TW) and one more having exams, fun times are frankly quite hard to come by these days. It wasn’t the same as last time when all of us were free from the constraints of work and studies, so those times are sadly gone. But, we try to make the best of the precious times we have and throughout the weeks here, we went from cinemas to shopping malls to Ipoh to strip clubs and bong joints (2 of these places are fake. Guess which, duh). The Swedish contingent are still here, probably until the end of the month (except for the illegal Australian, he left last week). But anyway, here’s the low-down of the activities so far, in no particular order:

Nando's @ Sunway Pyramid

Had Nando’s at Sunway Pyramid to celebrate abit on Vivi’s birthday. Took some pictures outside Pyramid, and here’s the line-up for the Swedish and Malaysian Contingent:

Lining up the illegal immigrants, ready for deportation.

Yummy, not @ Nando's Sunway

Transformers @ IMAX Theatre, BTS

The next day we went to Times Square to watch Transformers on an IMAX theatre (coz most of the Swedes haven’t seen it yet). I was the latest to arrive due to work, but I bought the best ticket among them bwwaaahahahaha. The rest of them had side seats and I had a middle seat. To be fair, one of them suggested we have a lucky draw to see who gets the middle seat, but, naaaaaaaahhh. Screw morals and screw fairness, it’s the freakin’ ‘Transformers’. I’ll smack an old lady for freakin’ ‘Transformers’ dammit!!! As for the movie on IMAX, all I can say is that it’s HUGE. So huge in fact, everything seems distorted and I was like watching a tennis match as my head was turning left and right just to see the screen in its entirety. And during the scene where Bumblebee ‘lubricates’ on the Sector 7 guy, that ‘pipe’ of Bumblebee’s sure is impressive. It will haunt my nightmares forever. Anyway, here’s a few snapshots I took secretly under the cloak of darkness:

Bumblebee. I want him as my pet...

Optimus Prime. I want him as my father...

Man Vs. Machines. I want to be that soldier...

The Loft @ Asian Heritage Row

The horniest of the 2 Swedish Contingents, Jason and Daryl demanded we all go clubbing and feast on the offerings of KL night life. I suggested a few places to romp, but they decided on the Loft so went there, opened a bottle of Smirnoff and went crazy until 3am. Well, not that crazy ‘cause the place is kinda crappy nowadays, full of parasites feeding on the rich and lots of snobbish pricks. Sigh, there were crazier nights. God I miss them.

Sportsplanet @ Ipoh

We all went back to Ipoh to attend a very special dinner to mark the 100th birthday of my grandpa, but we (me and the couzies) decided to play futsal in the afternoon. It sounded like a very good idea at that time but things slowly turned sour as the futsal match progressed. I knew the dinner was merely hours away so I intentionally played the game at a slow pace and did not bother to run around the futsal court like a mad chicken on steroids. Ok, I admit there’s some laziness involved somewhere but mainly was I playing it cool. The Swedish contingent however must have mistaken this for the World Cup Finals and they rocked the court with energy and goals. Without proper warm-ups, they are just waiting to get injured, I thought. But I was wrong, it wasn’t them that got injured but instead it was our very own Malaysian version of Peter Crouch: Philip Crouchan. I did not see what had happened but I guess he was attempting to do Crouchy’s trademark scissors kick but instead of slicing the ball into the net, he sliced on a puddle of water on the court and immediately he was awarded the ‘Footballer of the Year’. He twisted his ankle, but initially it seemed like a minor injury. So we stopped the game and later went for food. He was all cool with the injury, drinking cold water (which I heard an injured person should not do) and putting his injured leg up on a chair, chillin’ like nothing had happened. But from the moment he got up from his chair, he was nothing like Peter Crouch but instead more like Michael Owen with his twisted knee. He was wobbling and from a small problem now turned into a big dilemma (and shit, I mean big). Check out the injury below:

Before: left leg. After: Right leg. Looks like an alien egg about to explode...

No way will this go well with the parents and no way is he going home without seeing the doctor. Took him to the doc and throughout the dinner later that night, I bet he was on Cloud 9 with the painkillers.

As for the dinner, here’s some highlights of the night:

Me and relatives with Grandpa. Happy 100th birthday Grandpa!!!

Me and family. Grandpa is about to collapse already ... hang in there Grandpa!!!

Me and Grandpa. Look at his hands!!! Enjoying a pleasure not felt since 1969? Wakaka !!!

Thats' it for part 1....

Neat...

Sorry for no new posts these few weeks, been kinda busy with shit. But been surfin' the net with my few minutes I have everyday and found some neat 'Transformers' posters that are kinda rare to be seen around. Here ya go:

Peekaboo.

An early poster of the movie. Note the date which was the original release date in the US

Another early poster of the movie. "Coming Soon", it says....

Latest official poster. So cool. It will grace by room wall soon...

A Long Time Tying of the Knot

Weekend of 30th June & 1st July

Saturday

One of my school mates got married, and I went to attend his wedding in Shah Alam. Another week, another wedding for my ex-school mates. Everyone is getting married!!! SCARY!!! Anyway, this time, there’s a twist to the usual wedding ceremonies I usually go as this time its an Indian wedding, Yup, one of my Indian friend, Siva, finally tied the knot with his long-time sweetheart of around 10 years. CONGRATS SIVA!!!

He was a cool guy at school. He was our class monitor in Form 4 and 5, and he supports the students 100% and is not a suck-up to the teachers. At one time, half the class was either absent or ‘ponteng’ already, but in his attendance list, he marked almost everyone in class!! Hahaha. Cool. And when he passed the report to the Form Teacher, he simply said, “At the time I was writing this report, the class was full. If it is not now, I can’t be monitoring everyone for every minute, otherwise I’ll be working for the school and not here to study.” Waaaaaay cool. Here’s to you for a brighter future and a happy marriage!!!

Met up a few old school friends at the wedding, and after the wedding we went to Sunway’s ‘Q-Bar’ for a drink to catch up on lost times. Fun times always with the old gang!!! If you guys are reading this, please PLEASE get together more often ok, don’t let the bond die from work, girls and life. (Theva, don’t forget about the karaoke sessions ok, we WILL make it happen haha).

The main setting of the wedding.

Siva seated. The man with the plan.

With old friends, the best friends.

At Sunway's 'Q-Bar'

Review: "Transformers"

I can’t wait to talk about the ‘Transformers’ movie which I saw last Sunday, I’ll skip Saturday and go right to Sunday!!!

Sunday

Woke up early on 1st of July, rubbed my eyes and checked my phone calendar to confirm the day: yes, it is today, the 1st of July, the day I’ll witness the cinematic marvel that’s the ‘Transformers’ movie which I have been expecting with bated breath since the very first moment I laid my naked eyes on the first few clips of the movie which filtered through the internet many, many months ago (*deep intake of breath*). I rigorously calculated the time I needed to take my shower, change and pick up friends to ‘1U’ so that I do not miss a single moment, not even a single advertisement, for the sake that I can tell myself that I have gone through the cinematic event of the decade in a full and complete experience. The movie was at 12pm, my time still in bed is 9am. 3 hours to lunch, time is precious. I rushed through the chores of preparation and at 11:30am, the tickets which I bought online where already in my hands. I checked and re-checked and checked again, the details on the tickets stub were indeed accurate. Fate is at hand I thought, and destiny comes full circle as not since the days of the 80’s when I watched countless re-run of the cartoon on the VCR have I been so excited and ecstatic about anything. Almost 20 years later, those moments are back again. Thrilled and over-whelmed, I rushed in to give my ticket so that I can be allowed in earlier. From the rushing I left my friends outside and I jumped the queue which pissed off a few people. Screw morals and screw you, its time to leave all troubles and worries at the door and enter into a realm of robotic fantasy, served in full ‘Bayhem’ style and with a little dash of Spielberg magic. Needless to say, the awakening of the kid in me was nigh once more…

For the next 2 hours or more, I have to say it was the best movie I have ever experienced in my life. Why? From a general point of view, it was a fantastic summer blockbuster movie, not much more. But from a personal point of view, no movie has ever made me feel as delighted and thrilled as this. This movie achieved and exceeded all my expectations as a kid and as a grown-up, and ‘Transformers’ have effectively tattooed its presence in my consciousness and in my heart for many, many decades to come. Why this movie succeeded and other failed (Star Wars Episodes I, II and III for example) is that the ‘Transformers’ had successfully brought back the feelings of wonder and spectacle of those days of childhood and for that 2 hours or more inside the cinema that day, I was not seeing the world through the eyes of a grown-up, but as a kid of the 80’s. All life troubles and tribulations slipped away, and the worry-free days of childhood took its presence once more, days of being wide-eyed with wonder and innocent with stories of good vs. evil. No movie has successfully transformed me to those days before. ‘Star Wars Episode 1’ was a shameful attempt, ‘Superman Returns’ never even attempted and ‘Batman Begins’ was very close, but not yet there. ‘Transformers’ was not perfect, but it achieved what it needed to be done to bring back the feeling of wonder and awe, and it will be thoroughly remembered for what it did to me in this phase of my life as how the cartoon did for me in my days of childhood.

But that’s my adult in me talking. What about the inner child that was awoken from its sweet slumber for so many dormant years? Here’s what he has to say:

AWESOME. SWEET GLORIOUS JESUS, IT WAS FREAKIN’ AWESOME. It was way waaaaaaaay cooler than anything I’ve seen, not since ‘Jurassic Park’ has I gone ape-shit crazy over a movie as this. The movie was loud, the movie was filled with kick-ass special effects and every damn thing is moving at 200 mph, blink and you’ll miss a cool scene. So don’t freakin’ blink. And don’t even think of going to the toilet during this movie, ‘cause I think you only have 2 gaps of boring dialogue for you to run like hell to the washroom. And if you can’t run, piss in your pants ‘cause it’ll be worth it. Tanks, cars, planes, buildings, all crash and burn like useless cheap scraps of metal as giant freakin’ robots tear at each other and lay waste to massive destruction all around them. Never has anyone seen shit like this until you have seen shit like this. Period. Your jaw will drop, your tongue will roll (at Megan Fox) and your jaw will drop a few notches some more at robots and more robots wreck each other like there’s no tomorrow. After the movie I was so pumped up over this shit that whenever I hear someone say ‘Transformers’, I went giggling like a freakin’ school girl. Every food tasted better, everyone seemed friendlier and every memory of that movie seemed so much sweeter. And that’s the magic of the movies.

Well…that was fun. Anyway, as mentioned earlier, the movie’s great, but not perfect. Here’s a rundown of what I thought:

Good:

1.) Special Effects - One word - OMIGOD. The company appointed for the effects, ILM (Industrial Light & Magic) again proved themselves to be the masters of digital wizardry as the bar for special effect standards has been raised yet again. Only a few months ago that ILM astonished us with ‘Pirates 3’ and now ‘Transformers’ can be permanently regarded as the benchmark for future movies to refer to for digital excellence. I read that when at any time a full frontal Transformer transforms, almost 1,000 parts need to be animated per frame as there are so many moving parts. I just can’t imagine the time and effort it took to bring sequences of transforming to life. Pure craftsmanship. Comparing movies that have strong presence in special-effects, i.e. Star Wars, Pirates and Spider-Man, I believe that these movies did not manage to bring a sense of awe and did not transmit a ‘wow’ factor to the viewer. As these movies unfold, the special effects slowly become mundane and looked more and more just like some nicely rendered wallpapers. But for ‘Transformers’, every time you see an Autobot or Decepticon on screen, it never fails to amaze and astound you. IT IS THAT GOOD. From the very first scene of Blackout attacking the American base in Qatar, to Starscream’s airbourne battle sequence with a squadron F-22, to the all-out skirmish of robots in the city and everything else in between, every frame and every second is a beauty of masterful digital artwork. If only I can press a slow-motion button to admire things frame-by-frame in the cinema…if only. The scene that captured the essence of ‘Transformers’ was right at the beginning of the movie when Blackout attacked the American base in Qatar for re-con purposes. With Blackout giving hell on the base, one scene showed Blackout from afar, tall above the landscape, and it was unleashing hails of rockets with smoke trails leading to massive explosions all around it. Its torso was turning from left to right, its legs moving forward in search of death and its arms and body was bombarding everything around him with rockets and EMP pulses. This scene showed the viewer what the ‘Transformers’ really are: they are here on Earth and it is larger than any life on Earth. I believe this scene is important, especially when it was shown at the very beginning as it helped to set the tone of the movie and it gave preparation to the viewer of what is in store for the later parts of the movie. Witnessing this scene right before my very eyes, it set my imagination wild on fire, set my addreline pumping and all those goose-bumps running all over me.

2.) Autobots - Fortunately, they managed to bring back Optimus Prime close to the original. From the voice (same guy that did the cartoons, Mr. Peter Cullen) to the dialogue (“Autobots, roll out!!”) to the characterization (leader, brave, and bold), he is an Autobot trough and trough. Bumblebee a.k.a. Yellow Satan Camaro is my favorite, in fact everyone’s favorite, and provided the bridge that helped connect the viewer with the Autobots emotionally. He has a strong presence on screen and provided plenty of things for the viewer to be fond of and be emotionally attached with. From his painful capture by Sector 7, his excruciating injuries in combat and his humorous endeavors with the humans (“Bumblebee, stop lubricating on that human!!”) Bumblebee will be remembered and loved for all the best reasons. Although I was a little troubled with the rest, such as Ratchet, Jazz, Ironhide, etc which has little connection to the original (probably due to the little screen time they had), but once you see them as a group, the teamwork and get-togethers (i.e. outside Sam’s home), they are a joy to watch and they gel effortlessly. Overall, the Autobots rocked.

3.) Shia Lebouef - Shia was good, played the kid role very well, very convincing and very humorous. What a year for this guy, I mean, he is already cast in the next ‘Indy 4’ movie, starred in a major role in the superb movie called ‘Disturbia’ and had a major voicing role in ‘Surf’s Up’. I mean, can anything be better than the year he is having now? This guy’s going to be a major movie star, unless he screws his life up (like Britney and the clones). Hat’s off to you, Shia. Oh and by the way, he is the guy from the TV series called ‘Boy Meets World’. Now you know why he looked so familiar.

4.) Megan Fox - She played her part well as the chick Shia has the hots for. Megan Fox is, well, a fox and I can’t complain. All I can say is that she can change my engine oils any day. I think she doesn’t overdo the posing, unlike the other Michael Bay chicks, and do not over-do the acting, which is a breath of fresh air. Her on-screen time is just right and that made her bearable to watch and to a certain extent, care for. I only wonder if she can check my piston under my trunk, ‘cause I think it needs some lubricating… Meg-megan? Where you going….?

5.) Humor - Although some jokes are really unnecessary and lame, i.e. the Sector 7 officer, which I wish they did not put him in at all, the rest of the humor actually was funny and it worked well to lift the movie from becoming a tedious 2 hour non-stop-action feast. The gaps of humor in between action scenes were well done and it provided many opportunities for the viewer to gel with the Autobots and characters. For example, if Bumblebee did not ‘lubricate’ on the lame-o Sector 7 guy, I would not have liked Bumblebee that much. I know some of you guys hated that scene, I know that scene is wrong, but for me, I call it Robo-humor and I like it.

6.) Massive Destruction – When you put big robots in a city with big buildings, you will get big carnage. But when you put big robots in a city with Michael Bay directing, you don’t get just carnage, you will get major mayhem with a major dose of Bay-ism bedlam, which I call ‘BAYHEM’. Yes, no one does explosions as beautifully as Michael Bay and no one does action as grand as Bay himself. Especially in the last 30 minutes of the movie, you will experience action pieces that only lived in the fantasy world of imagination and being brought to life by Bay and Spielberg, it will take your every breath away…

The Bad

1.) The Decepticons – I was disappointed that they are not as prominent as the Autobots in the movie, as in they wasn’t given proper characterization and wasn’t given proper chances to build an emotional connection with the viewer. I mean, they are there just to be bad guys and are there for the Autobots to trash up, nothing more. Starscream could have been so much more, considering that in the cartoons he is a very major character in the ‘Transformers’ universe. At least he spoke, as in just one line, but for the rest of the Decepticons they were just given subtitles (“Devastator, rolling out”). The bane of all disappointments with the Decepticons is with no doubt Megatron. I mean, he is completely different from the cartoons, from the design to the voice. If Optimus Prime can have an original voice, then why can’t Megatron get a voice that at least resembles the original? And why in God’s sake is he an X-Wing from Star Wars? Fine, there may be problems being a gun like from the original cartoon, but why can’t he be a bad-ass canon, i.e. like those from warships and he can shoot down the Autobots from a far distance for example. Wouldn’t that be cooler than an X-Wing?? They should have at least given him some kind of resemblance to the original; at least have his arm mounted with a gun. But he has it only for a one scene in the movie I think, which is disappointing. I see Bumblebee’s arm with a gun more often than Megatron. Why Michael Bay, WHY?? You screw up Megatron dammit!!! Other than Megatron, Frenzy the data infiltrator, in my opinion is the Jar Jar Binks of the ‘Transformers’ and could have been done much better.

2.) Transforming Sound Effects – The sound of the robots transforming is a signature of the ‘Transformers’ and it is prominently missing from the movie. I hated that. NYUK NYUK NYUK NYUK NYUK!!! That’s the sound that made the cartoon so unique and memorable. But in the movie, all we usually hear is crunching metal against metal whenever the robots transform and it somehow gave a different feel, somehow made the conversion from cartoon to movie incomplete. We only hear it once in the movie and it was just a small and nearly inaudible hum against the more blaring metal-against-metal noise. I heard that particular sound had been licensed and the owner is charging unimaginable money for Michael Bay to use it, i.e. every time that sound is used in the movie, they need to pay one sum. So, if the movies used it 10 times, Michael Bay will need to pay 10 times of that sum. Crazy shit, huh. But anyway, If only that sound comes with every transformation, this movie would have been perfect…

3.) The Storyline – If you think for one minute that you bought tickets to ‘Transformers’ to enjoy the storyline, you are absolutely freakin’ mad. The story is paper thin, and it only serves as a guide for us to get from one action set piece to another. It is an excuse for Michael Bay to blow things up with bigger, badder and harder explosions than any explosions you have ever seen before. No complexities, no major plotlines, only good carnage whipped in Michael Bay style. Don’t be deluded, enter the cinema with your brain at the door, and enter the cinema with full amounts of geekiness and kiddiness and the ‘Transformers’ will overwhelm you in full disbelieving vigor.

As for me, I’ve already booked my tickets for Round 2 and already planning for Round 3. There will also be Round 4, should be a Round 5 and perhaps a Round 6. Also maybe a Round 7 and if that happens, possibly a Round 8 and wrap-up at Round 9 before I begin my assault on the DVD. But before the DVD viewings, a Round 10 will be good as a warm-up…Yes, if you haven’t guessed it by now, I love this movie.

Verdict: 10 / 10

After the Movie:

After the movie, we went to ‘HakkaKaya’ to enjoy some Kopitiam cuisine (if you can call that food cuisine that is). The stuff is pretty average, but the roti kaya seemed good to me, small in size though but tastes good, most probably due to the kaya. But anyway, we chit-chatted about the ‘Transformers’ movie and also on what to eat for dinner. Seems like everyone had no idea, so I suggested we go to Damansara Perdana to search for a ‘Friendster Café’ which I heard it exists in that area. ‘Friendster Café??? My friends screamed and they had their doubts of this place. I mean, what a lame-o name for a café. Then I replied, if we didn’t check it out, how would we really know? So, off we went to the ‘Friendster Café’!!!

Looking around the café, I found that the décor was alright, the service is ok but the food is surprisingly good. I mean, not fantastic but good for a café. The price however is a bit on the up side, so just be careful what you order!! They serve the usual western Pastas and steaks, but the Asian dishes caught my eye as the ‘Nasi Kerabu’ I had was unexpectedly delicious. Friends ordered the Pastas and Chicken Chops which were good as well.

So what does the place have in common with the Friendster website? Absolutely nothing. So, don’t expect anything in relations to the Friendster website except for the possibility of the place being a strategic meeting joint for Friendster friends and connections. Anyway, it’s a fun place to hang out and has a good vibe to it so I guess I have to recommend it to anyone that likes a café atmosphere with a unique twist to their regular cups of java.

We went back around 9pm, reached home and I crashed into la-la land with robotic wet dreams that accompanied me ‘til the next morning….

Me and an uncle with a full stomach wakaka....

Not Wanted

Weekend of 23rd & 24th June

Saturday


Fixed an appointment today with a car mechanic to patch up my damaged door in the SS19 area. I know that place is expensive with a lot of sharks waiting for water fishes, but I have no choice because it is so convenient as I live nearby. Actually an old friend offered to fix to the door at around RM80 for knocking and spraying (just the damaged area only), but his garage is in Puchong, and I got no one to help drive another car to Puchong and fetch me back, because the car need to overnight. So, I got no choice but to send it to SS19, which cost me RM120. Expensive lehh. Luckily TK was free to fetch me back, but before that we went to SS15 a good round of dim sum. Yummy and cheap!!

With the car in the workshop, that only means one thing: no life. Yup, that Saturday I bummed around the house, going online, chit chatting on MSN and trying to look for water fishes with car to fetch me around. But, no luck. I quit MSN and went to my PS2 instead, playing Pro Evo 6 until late evening (trashed Liverpool 5-1 using Everton on difficult mode, yeah baby. Andrew Johnson scored 4 goals and Phil Neville headed in one goal. He’s not completely useless after all).

Staying at home, it was such a hot day that I sometimes felt I couldn’t breathe. How does my mum survive everyday at home, doing the cooking, washing, and ironing? Sometimes you just have to spend some time in mum’s shoes to really understand what they are going through as a mum, because everyday the dad is always away for work and the children are away hanging out in shopping malls, they don’t really feel the situation mums are in. So, this is to you mum for your everyday hard work: **MUAKSS**!!!

Anyway, yes, it was a hot day that day that even in an air-con room, I was almost bare-naked. Thank God for boxer-shorts I thought. And with this situation that something quite embarrassing happened. Outside my room door, some aunty or uncle came to my house to visit my mum, and she shouted for me to say ‘hi’. But I was too lazy to put a t-shirt and proper shorts on and leave my air-con room, so I pretended to be asleep haha. But mum shouted for me to say ‘hi’ and started to knock wildly on my door. Omigod, my clothes are in the other room, and my mum is going berserk with the door. If I don’t open the door soon, she will become something like the ‘She-Hulk’ crashing my door down screaming ‘Mama Smash!!’ With no choice, I opened the door and reveal my full body glory. In front of me I was shocked to find a gang of aunties and uncles sitting down and staring at me, not talking, just staring. I said a quiet ‘hi’ and tried to get some clothes but an aunty pulled me to the living room and screamed: “WAHH your boy so big already!!” I don’t know what or which part exactly she meant by ‘big’ but I just laughed and pretended it was a funny joke. Straight away other aunties was asking me questions of where I was working but I said I need to get a T-shirt, but the an uncle screamed “AIYAHH, guy nothing one lahh!!” Hhhmmm, gay uncle? Ugghh. Again, I pretend to just laugh. And with that laugh I got no escape already as other uncles and aunties started to continuously ask me questions, and I answered them in my boxer shorts. I quickly sat down to avoid being a showcase of weirdness and tried hard not to open my legs too wide, in case something pops out and give the aunties and uncles a heart attack (except for the gay uncle, he will probably join in with the popping). I don’t know whether they know boxer shorts are some kind of underwear and not normal shorts. I think if they knew, they would have let me get some clothes already haha. You see, I’m not embarrassed with being shirtless or whatever in front of people. What I was afraid of is my boxer shorts, or rather, what is behind the boxer shorts. Because, the shorts are kinda loose, and if my ‘DiDI’ is behaving badly…’PAI SEH’!!! Luckily nothing ‘major’ happened and they left after 1 hour.

My collection of boxers. Sexy biatches yeah.

After they left, I felt like going for a swim, but no one was interested or already has plans. I thought about playing some B-ball with the usual gang, but I forgot: it is Saturday and the usual gang is away with their girlfriends or family. Crap, back to square one again. Evening turned into night, and it was dinner time. Ok, I got dinner to worry about now. Called a few people, but again, they are away with someone or something. Again, I was left to contemplate the night alone. Sigh. I asked Dad to ‘tapau’ something for me, and ate at home on a Saturday night.

You see, for me a car is essential. If I lost my hand-phone, it is still ok because I got a spare and I keep most friends numbers in a notebook (yup, I know it’s weird for a guy to do that, but I do. Keep laughing). If I lost my PC to a virus, it is still ok because my blood veins do not go line-in-line with an online PC. If I lost my walk-man it is still ok, because my hand-phone still has the songs that I always listen too. But a car. Now, when my car goes missing, it is the end of my life as I know it. My life goes into an abrupt halt and I’ll be spending the days and nights with Mr. Lonely. I cannot go pick people up for yamca or meet someone somewhere. Friends often do not come to fetch me because most of them they live quite far. And friends that live nearby, unfortunately this day all of them are busy or away. So, I’m left with nothing, nobody, not even call to ask me how’s the car and whether I need a lift. Maybe it’s my car, or maybe it’s my friends that don’t really care for me. They are only friends when I can fetch them to somewhere, and if not, they will find someone else. Are my friends like that….? Sometimes I feel like they are, like when I really need something, they are not there. They will just carry on with their lives and do not want to be bothered with other people’s difficulties. Are you all like that….?

I spent the Saturday night at home watching DVDs (“Finding Neverland” with Johnny Depp. Good movie, good acting and great directing from Marc Forster). Went to sleep at 2am.


Sunday

Woke up early to get my car back, and finally it’s fixed. With the car I went all the way to KL to see SL. We already planned to meet up together earlier yesterday and I was hoping for a good day today since yesterday was so boring. I heard that ‘Bakerzine’ had opened a new outlet in KLCC, with 20% off total bill opening promotion for June, so my excitement was rolling. While at KLCC I was then planning to buy early tickets to ‘Transformers’ to get good seats. It was a ‘happy proof’ plan, so what can go wrong? Actually, everything went wrong. Upon arriving at SL’s place, SL was in a terrible mood and made a fuss about everything. SL were supposed to meet up a few friends later that day, and just earlier SL got a call that they are meeting up earlier at one of the friend’s house. But then I arrived, and earlier I told SL that I planned to go KLCC. So there’s a clash of timing. So I suggested we go to the friend’s house and forget about KLCC. You said no and we stick to the KLCC plan. I said are you sure? You said yes. Then I said never mind, KLCC will always be there, lets go to the friend’s house instead. Then you got pissed and everything went sour from there. You were not talking and were giving me the irritated look, annoyed that I was there, and quickly gave me the impression that I was in the way and spoiling all of your plans. All the way to KLCC, you were not interested at all about everything, even when we were at KLCC, you were walking away from me and was rushing to get out of KLCC. Ok fine, if that’s the case, let’s get out of KLCC and do whatever you wanted to do. But no, you were in a ‘whatever’ mode and I was pissed at that. In return I rushed through ‘Bakerzine’, did not enjoy it at all and did not buy the cinema tickets. I rushed back to your place and dropped you off. What the hell, I came all the way from Subang to KL to see you and I get this in return? I offered you to go anywhere you choose, but you didn’t bother. It seems that KLCC was not the problem, and it felt that I was problem. I was making you miss the chance to meet your friends, correct? I was the uninvited guest and I should not have come that day. Fine, I told SL that I get the hint CLEARLY. SL said that’s not the problem, but all that has happened made me feel that way, so I left in a hurry and did not join SL with the friends.

I got hurt because of you that day and it hurts madly to be treated as an annoyance to your life. If you want time with your friends, please tell me earlier and not until I drove all the way to your place and then tell me in front of my face. It hurts even deeper. Or is that what you really wanted? I’m not a toy to fill your empty weekends without your friends. Whatever reason you gave me that day about your behavior, I accepted it with running tears and a hurtful heart .You mentioned you are sorry, well I’m sorry for bothering you with your great friends. I just would like you to know that I’m still hurt and not fully forgiven you. Do I feel sad? Do I feel sorrow? No, in fact I felt grateful, grateful for letting me know what my place in your heart is and my place in your life is, and for that I thank you….now I know.