If Nothing Ever Changed, There'd Be No Butterflies.

Another chapter on my life is about to end. I’ve resigned from working in Labuan, Sabah and will be permanently (as far as I know at the moment!!!) back to Kuala Lumpur for good. It’s not a transfer, but a change of company. Some might already know where I’ll be going, but it’ll still be in the same industry.

Resigning so fast? Well, why not? An opportunity presented itself, and after weighing out the pros and cons of all the options I had, coming back was the best option. Was it for family? The obvious answer to many, it was. Well, it was and it was not. The new job had a better job offer overall and I just had to take it.

But financial perks aside, deep down in my heart it was for the best. I’ll be close to my family, to my wife and to my friends, which is the most important of all. Afterall, money only come and go, but a good strong family and friends stay with you to the very end.

Any regrets working in Labuan after all these while? I can sincerely tell you I had no regrets whatsoever. Working in Labuan is so much different than working in KL. Colleagues here are truly colleagues, they help and support you to the very end. Unlike the usual finger pointing and blame culture in KL (generalizing here), working in Labuan was tough but it was sincere hard work. No political BS, no cronnies or groupies, no conspiracies. Work, sweat and glory.

So, looking forward to working back in KL? To be very honest with you, I am not. New environment, new changes, new everything. But I guess he who rejects change is the architect of decay. Life moves forward, weather you like it or not.

On another note. I realized there are so many tough decisions to make over these past 2 years. From deciding to get married, deciding to work in Labuan and decide to come back, and a few other family decisions that I can’t reveal here. Sometimes I linger in the dark in my bedroom alone at night and think, have I made the right decisions, the best decisions? God only knows. I can only think so much, risk so much, do so much. I guess God only help those who help themselves. At least I’ve tried.

Until next time.

A Revisitation

Hello...? Hello blog world? Is anybody there...?

Reminiscence, 2009.

It’s been so long since I’ve updated by blog. Felt like it’s been weeks. Or months. Or a year?

And already Chinese New Year is upon us. Speaking of years, how was your year of 2009?

For me, I can’t deny it was a good year. In fact, it’s been a great year. It was a roller coaster year full of emotions, changes, challenges, realizations, disappointments, triumphs, all a cacophony of sensations wrapped up in a nice little whirlwind thrusting me into new horizons that I’ve not known or experienced, until now.

Emotions. Joy, happiness, anticipation, exhilaration, love. It was a year blessed with many of such emotions and it lighted up a year that was truly extraordinary. Marriage is such a miracle that brings out emotions that one cannot truly feel until you experience it. Love itself then blooms into something much more than simply love. Love grows into so many facets now, so many levels and so many dimensions that I’ve not experienced or felt before. There is love, and then there is being in love, and then there is being loved. And I’m still learning about this emotion until this very day, perhaps until my dying day. Yes, love at times can be bitter, but one cannot experience love without the pain, or else it wouldn’t be a true emotion in its purest sense, or else there wouldn’t be true love, is there?

Changes & Challenges. There were so many. From bachelorhood to manhood. And you think life is already a challenge, wait till you get married. Winding the clock a wee bit back to the time when I was just about to get married, I was not exactly jumping for joy. I was actually quite scared. Very scared, in fact. There were so many confusing feelings. Maybe I was just nervous for the big day. Maybe I’ve not gone through this path before and I’m scared of how things will turn out. Or maybe my life will change forever. Maybe I’m scared of the changes that will occur after the big day. Maybe I’m scared of leaving behind my life once so comfortable, so free, and now, there will be serious obligations.

But don’t get me wrong, there were no regrets. I was happy for that special day to arrive and still happy to this very day.

But these changes were challenging. However life needs to progress I suppose. Nothing worth living for lies in constant motion, and my life needs to progress. Or else it wouldn’t be this silly thing called life, isn’t it?

I thought it was the right time to make progress for myself, the right time to flip the pages of life and write the next chapter. And my book is at the stage where the next chapter needs a new character to play, and there she was, and there she was the one. Did I have doubts about it? No, I just knew. We all will know in the end, we will all know who the perfect one is. It’s a magical sprinkle of a miracle within your heart that hints at an unavoidable inevitability. You’ll just know, and that is what I’ve learned.


Triumphs. SL’s acceptance of my hand in marriage was my greatest triumph. The moment she whispered “Yes”, all of the world stood still and silence filled the air all around except for her voice. A warm numbness overwhelmed me and yet my throat felt cold. I could not speak. I just smiled. She smiled in return. I held her hand, I kept her close, we kept each other warm and we looked overhead as fireworks kept blooming with abundance and color in the night’s sky. We were in Hong Kong, in Disneyland and it was on Valentine’s Day with the fireworks in full flourish. We were in love. Put simply, it was just unforgettable.

Well, those were the good parts of my life in 2009. Nothing is constantly a bed of roses. Things get greyer and darker from here on….

Realizations. I realized something this year. I realized that I’m kinda rich. No la just kidding. I realized that money doesn’t really make me happy. The initial reason I switched job from my previous company to the current one was mainly on the monetary factor. They doubled my salary. How can I resist? But the catch: I was to be posted to Labuan, Sabah until further notice. Although my current company did it’s best to adapt me to my new surroundings as much as possible (transportation, housing – although I rented my own room in the end for more privacy, unlimited handphone line, laptop for convenience while travelling and allowance), nothing feels like home sweet home. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m dying here from home-sickness. Labuan has its charms that I like – relaxing, friendly, peaceful. But home is truly where the heart is. Anyway, My bank account bulged (and it was one reason why I decided on marriage this year, to have it over with while it is still possible before it’s all gone to God knows where!!), but so what? I was really truly happy? Was married life supposed to be two souls separated apart by bi-weekly flights? No. I thought my decision to change jobs to this current company was a long-term decision. But I guess now it’s a just a short-term one.

Disappointments. There were disappointments in 2009, but thank God it was not explicit or distinct. It was more like leftover food stuck in between your teeth that just annoyed you to bits. You try to remove it, but it wouldn’t budge until you get a jackhammer and jammed it off from your mouth. Abit dramatic but hey, isn’t life a soup opera without the stars? Bottom line is, the biggest disappointments all came from work. As the economy slowed, so did everyone’s prospects in the company, and some had no prospects at all in the company as their jobs were cut. Not just in Malaysia, it was worldwide, and in Houston (company HQ), the cuts were more prominent. Here, only those on a contract basis and the deadwoods (i.e. expired old hacks that still think they can contribute to the company by sitting around and simply warming chairs and making retarded jokes that we are forced to laugh). But the cuts did affect my department. One staff under my supervision was cut. Another got job-rotated to another department (God - and my manager - only knows why job rotation were in practice when job cuts were in full effect. Oooops sorry, my manager was simply being a manager by doing brainless things). So, two employees under my supervision were cut and no additions were possible. Which means my department’s American style governance collapsed and thus switched to the typical Chinese rule of the kiam-siap “one leg kick all” style of jurisdiction – meaning one guy has to handle multiple guys jobs. Hence the 2 guy’s jobs that were released were to be absorbed into my job description. But luckily there’s still 2 more assistants under me and one of them – G, a girl, is extremely helpful. So the cog is still turning and churning out the results, but for how long? Plans are now in place to add new recruits, but again, God – and my manager – only knows…

Well that’s a slice from my apple pie of 2009. Hope yours was as interesting and absorbing as mine. Here’s to 2010….

Life's A Beach

Another long weekend holiday had passed and spent another day at the beach. Yup, that’s the life at the moment in Labuan. Haven’t been back to KL for almost 7 weeks already. It’s the year-end, and with a gargantuan amount of work to finish up before I go for a week off during X’mas and New Years, I can’t possibly go back KL as frequent as I used to. Been pretty much stressed out these past few weeks, and when stressed I tend to appreciate Labuan a little bit more. This place is a slow-paced island, filled with mostly incredibly nice people and is very, very laid back. Perfect ingredients to unwind those troubled minds, and the best spot in Labuan is definitely the long stretches of sandy beaches, accompanied by spots of stalls dotted all across the beaches offering various refreshments to help make your day much better. Admittedly the beaches here is hardly anywhere near beaches of Redang, Perhentian, Tioman etc, but Labuan does possess it own unique charm.

Luckily the workload is now on schedule and it looks like it’s going to be a work-free X’mas & New Year’s holiday (fingers crossed!!).

Anyway, here are some snapshots taken a few weeks back of the beach spots I usually frequent to forget those corporate hassles and release those unwelcomed anxieties….

Duck!!!

When someone shouts "duck!!" at you, it doesn't necessarily mean take cover...

NEW BEDFORD, Massachusetts (AP): A driver who ran over and killed a mother duck walking her 12 ducklings across a Massachusetts mall parking lot has been sentenced to a year of probation, which means that at any time during this probation year that any offences, however slight, does occur, the driver in question will face a posibility of jail term.

Witnesses say Joshua Linhares deliberately drove at the ducks in the Dartmouth Mall parking lot in June, turning sharply and speeding up. Surveillance video from nearby stores supported their account, The Standard-Times newspaper reported.

The 25-year-old man testified he didn't see the ducks because he was distracted by a woman waving her arms at him.

He says he left the scene because he panicked.

New Bedford District Court jurors took 15 minutes Tuesday to convict him of animal cruelty.

The ducklings were adopted by a family and then released into the wild.

Karaoke Transmitted Viruses (KTV)

Love karaoke? Yes? Well so does a million other people. With only a few microphones to serve so many people in a room, God knows what spits and grossly bodily fluids had been liberated from mouth to mic during any possibly emotional rendition of Michael Bolton’s crooning classics (such is an example).

As we thanked the Gods for the holy creation that is a Condom, we must thank the people that created the mic condom to protect us from the infidels that are those germs and bacteria bombarding our music sticks and avoid any transfer of unhygienic return of mouthly diseases.

As such, here is a simple Bible to attain maximum musical satisfaction without to worry about any Karaoke Transmitted Viruses (KTV). Behold, the mic condom and the simplest way to wear it:

Step 1: Make sure you got the right side facing your music stick, i.e. opening of condom facing stick. If not, then it will get rather uncomfortable wearing it I assure you. Note: This is Green Apple flavour that gives out a soothingly sweet aroma to provide a more sensual satisfaction while performance is being rendered.

Step 2: Slowly wrap the condom around the head of the stick to avoid any damage to condom and head. Once secured, carefully pull down condom all the way to the base of the stick, while gently adjusting it to fit comfortably, compensating to the size of head and stick. Remember, wrap entire condom around the head first, and then stroke down slowly to achieve smooth fitting for that desired performance.

Step 3: With fitting accomplished, now hold the music stick in your hands feel its pulsating energy with a promise to achieve maximum musical satisfaction. Enjoy.

The Teh Tarik Monologues, Part 2

J: What movies made you cry, and why?

R: Haha paiseh to say lah!!

Z: C’mon lah!!

R: Errmmm. Let’s see. I remember watching a Japanese movie called ‘Crying out for Love in the Center of the World’. There was a boy and girl, they fell in love and suddenly the girl got sick and was slowly dying. When the girl was vey close to death, out of true love the boy proposed to marry her, in hospital and on her deathbed, even though he knew he wouldn’t get to see her again for another day. I remember he even brought the marriage cert for her! And when she said yes and he cried, the music and all came on and I started crying too!! Hahaha…Very very touching. Luckily it was in the cinema haha, still very dark inside, can’t see can’t see…

Z: Hahah, got no “sob sob” sound one meh?

R: Got, but make it sound like I’m having a flu lah!! HAhaha

J: Like that also can!!

R: Hahahha. The other movie I remember I cried abit was also a Japanese movie called ‘Cyborg girl’. Also called ‘My girlfriend is a Cyborg’, or ‘Cyborg She’ I think. There’s this guy that met and fell in love with a girl, and that girl turns out to be a cyborg or robot, built by himself in the future and set back in time to met himself!! I think why he did that was because in the past he met this girl and fell in love, but he didn’t have the guts to approach or talk to her. Ever since then, he grew old and alone, he really regretted it until his dying day. So, he being a brilliant scientist made a cyborg of her to bring back to the past, to allow himself another chance not only at love, but in life, to show him the mistakes he had made and hopefully learns to rectify them. In the end, when the girl had to ‘shut down’, the boy was reminiscing about all that he had experienced and learned about life with a second chance, and when the music came on, I just cried hahahaha….Quite a meaningful movie, if you really look into it. But luckily I was watching it alone.

Z: Ooooooh.

R: The other one was…Jeng jeng jeng!!! Titanic hahahahaha.

J & Z: Wahalooooooooo….

R: Eh, when watching it the first time it was so nice ok!! Then it got so popular until everyone was singing that song and all. Sigh, spoil the movie already haha. But the scene when Jack was clinging on to Rose on the water after the ship had sunk, Jack had died from the cold, Rose kept calling him to wake up, but he didn’t, she still kept calling him to wake up, hoping he would, but in the end she had to let him go, and seeing Jack fading into the water, and that music started playing, I cried hahahhaa….Lukily, the person next to me was crying also, so no problems hahaha…can share share tissue paper hahaha….

J: Aiyooooo!! Any other movies?

R: Got la, quite a few lor. ‘Winter Sonata’ was so good, and then ‘1 Liter of Tears’. Wahlau, that one really can make you cry 1 liter of tears out from you one haha…

Z: Hahah, not corny or cliché meh these shows?

R: It’s clichéd lar, but sometimes you just have to open up and let it all in. Allow yourself be taken in by it, and when you start to believe in it, then it shows you emotions that you can only dream of haha…And sometimes, who knows, you can maybe learn something from these shows too.

J: Like what?

R: Like opening up to love, I mean I see some people always so cool, like too cool for sentimentality, too cool for love. But, why not? But then again, they might have gotten hurt from love…and love is not welcomed.

J: Yes true. People are the way they are from their past experiences, the way there brought up, etc. So many factors.

R: True. So thank God I didn’t have to go through many bad experiences.

Z: So that’s for movies, what about in real life? What touched you most and made you cry?

R: I think it was only recently. It was during my wedding and it was at the tea ceremony. There’s this auntie that I know since I was a kid. She cared for me and saw me grow up since young. And on that day, when it was her turn to present the tea to her, I was touched. There she is, from the day when she walked me to school when I was a boy in primary school, fetched me in to secondary school, she was there when I graduated in the UK, she came all the way there, until now, I am married and here she is, in front of me. When I said the words to ‘cheng yamca’ I was touched then, but after finishing her drink, she put the cup aside and got up and hugged me. And it was a long hug, it was a hug many, many years in the making, and I cried. It was not a sobbing cry, it was a cry of comfort and assurance, that we reached so far in the journey together, and hopefully for many years to come. Many people didn’t notice I think. I looked away & continued on with the day…

Z & J: Awwwwww….ahahahhaa….

Z: Wahhh so much crying, and nothing to do with your wife one ah??

R: Hahahah. Well, for me, the most romantic thing la together with her is when I proposed and she said yes, we spent the first moments engaged underneath the sky of fireworks in Disneyland, Hong Kong. I think for me, the feeling was just perfect. The fireworks were out of this world, and the feeling with her was out of this world. And just walking around Disneyland with her, with the fairy lights and innocent laughter all around the park, it was just special for me. It was ‘A Whole New World’!!! Hahaha.

J: Ooooooo…Interesting interesting…shall we talk more about your love life hmmmm? Your ex, or ex-es etc hahaha…

R: No laaaahhhh…..enough enough ahhaha

Z: Yaya, how many ah? 2? 3? 4? 5?

R: I’m a single-lady person ok!!

J: YEAH RIGHT LAHH hahaha…

Z: Quick quick tell, how one your love life. In UK sure got one ler? I heard got, Ben say one hahah…almost want to start, but didn’t start one rite!!! The girl got bf already somemore!!!

R: Whatever lahhh….


The rain slowly subsides, but the questions linger much longer. Much more was said, but that’s all for today. But after reminiscing through all that was asked and spoken, it’s amazing how a few cups of The Tarik can bring about so many emotions, so many questions, so many words spoken. I guess it’s just one of those peculiar pulls of the teh.
Coffee shop talk and all that. Until next time….

The Teh Tarik Monologues, Part 1

Me, Zach and Jerry was driving back from KL last weekend, and we were stuck in a massive rain storm (and I mean massive, can't see a cun chick from 4 yards out if I wanted to). In order to avoid all the floods, jams, drenched cows, crazy rushing motorists etc, we stopped by a mamak stall nearby Solaris Mount Kiara and took a few sips of teh tarik to wait for the rain to subside. During the warm sippings, our mouths got a wee bit loose and some interesting questions popped out.

And the topic of conversation was, ME.

Here's something to share. Conversation recorded using Zach's handphone and transfered in writing my 'muah'.

Zach: Question: If one of your friend or friends says to you one day that he’s gay, what’s your reaction?

Ray: You gay kah??!! I knew it…

Z: &&*$#%@^%$!!! (plus some Hokkien flower power bad words too).

R: Hhhahaha. Well, if he’s gay, then gay lo. If I can be friends with him before, then why not now after I know he’s gay? Why would his sexuality change anything leh? I got a lot gay friends anyway….

Z: Really ah? A lot?

R: Yalor. One of them is you lor.

Z: &&*$#%@^%$!!! (plus Double the Hokkien flower power bad words).

R: Hahaha, really lah. I still hang out with them.

Jerry: I know a few gay people also. But I don’t really hang out with them. They never friend me also haha.

R: Actually I knew one when I started working in ********* after graduation. That time Friendster was very popular and people always post things there like “finding new job” etc, and this guy was finding a job. Then I just play play and asked him to try-out my company. Weeks after that he joined lor. We shared the same working hours selling electronic stuff for the company. We become quite good friends, and he was the one that introduced me to the “world of gayness” (haha). He was the one that intro me to other gay people, took me to gay bars, gay discos, all those lah. Call them PLU la, G la, Bi la, versatile la, they are all friends in the end.

J: Ooooh. He got intro you to gay sex ah?

R: &&*$#%@^%$!!! (plus Cantonese flower power bad words).

Z: They are so ‘na’ leh!! (so feminine/so sotong/etc)

R: Not all of the so sotong lah. Got straight types, meaning outside look and act like guy but inside likes guys one haha. Then got the feminine ones lah, then got transvestites lah, so many lah.

Z: And all you met before, hang out with them before?

R: All lah. Hahaha. Most of them are nice and friendly people lah. You know some of them even gave me a bottle of fragrance for my birthday. It was Giorgio Armani Aqua Di Gio. Still of my favorite fragrances ever haha.

Z and J: HHHMMMMMMM. Give you perfume?? INTERESTING haha...

R: Shaddup lah.

J: Seriously, did any of them ask you to be their partners?

R: *Pause*. Yes. a few times.

Z: A few times by the same guy??

R: Different guy lahh.

J: And then? You said yes?

R: Your head lahh.

Z: And then??

R: Just politely say no lahh

Z: That's it??

R: That's it lo. But it happened quite along time ago la...

Z: So, anyway, another question lah. Who are the 5 people you want to meet before you die? Besides family la, make it more interesting…

R: Wahlau. I think for me, First to meet is Barrack Obama. I love that guy. I think he’s the first president since the 1st president hahaha. Secondly, Michael Jackson, to see if he really is dead anot. Thirdly, Paris Hilton, to see if her head is really so hollow. Fourth, Homer Simpson, coz he is the coolest dad in the whole world. And lastly, Pamela Anderson, just to squeeze those tootsies to see if it qualifies as the 9th wonder of this world.

Z & J: OMIGODD!!!

J: Name 5 things you want to bring with you if you ever get stuck on an deserted island.

R: Of course a lot of food and water lahh!!! Besides that, one of them would be a solar powered PS3 Hahaha. Secondly, alot of suntan lotion? Haha. Then, of course a lot of popcorn, coz it would just pop from under the hot sun and at night can enjoy it under the stars haha. Then, I would bring along Jim Carrey coz he will make me laugh all the time!!!

J: Would you be a girl for a day or more??

R: Yes I will haha. Shiok ma, u know hahahaha….

Z: Aiyerrrrr!!!

Z: Your favorite things you always do…

J: This question so easy lahhh!!!

R: Hahaha okok, I’ll name 5. Going for movies, coffee, shopping, eating, I mean not just eating but going out to eat new and good stuff, photography and sex hahahah.

J: That’s 6!!!

R: Oklah, forgot about sex haha

R: Here’s a weird question for you. Is it rude for a deaf person to talk with handsign while their mouth is full of food?

J and Z: *Silence*

R: Forget about that question haha

J: Do prison buses have emergency exits? Hahaha

R: Omigoddd

Z: If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes?

J: Wahhhlaaooo

R: I think soo lahh!! Hahaha

Z: So Ray, if your wife one day asks you for a divorce coz she turned a lesbian, what would you think and say??

R: Hhahahaa. If she turned a lesbian then I’m really doing something wrong in bed right??! Hahaha

Z: Tooo much infooooo

J: Next question pleasssee….

Z: Okla, here’s a serious question for you. Assume you are not married, and also not even with your gal at the moment. You are single. Would you have chosen anyone else, and how would that affect your life?

R: WAAAAHH. Super deep question leh. Well, I would not know what or how my life will be if I’m with another person. But I can tell you now that I have no regrets over who I with now (J and Z goes WHHHOOAAAAA!!!!). But I’m not sure if that person I’m with now got any regrets anot hahahah.

To Be Continued....

The Roads Not Taken

So how’s life after marriage? Many people ask me this question ever since I tied the knot. Well, the answer is, to be honest, there not much change whatsoever. For me anyway. Maybe because I’m in Sabah now since the marriage and going back to KL periodically didn’t have that much effect on my life in regards to me and SL. Some say the further the distance makes the heart go fonder for each other. In a way it’s very true, there’s some sort of comforting space between us due to the distance that I’m actually quite contended with. It’s like watching your favorite TV series everyday over and over again for the rest of our lives, would that TV series still remain your most favorite? Or would you like to watch something else after a while? I’m not suggesting we go grab a “remote life control” and go wild with partner surfing, and using a TV series isn’t all that right but there you go, you get my drift?

So I guess I’ve not really “become” a truly marriage man yet? Besides some extra added weight on my left hand’s certain little finger, much remains the way they are. And I guess that what I really wanted frankly. To be honest, I was completely apprehensive on how my life would change completely once my “life title” has been changed. Actually, throughout my life, I’m always been very apprehensive on how my “life title” changes from ‘single’ to ‘in a relationship’ to ‘married’ (and not hopefully not ‘divorced’!!). From the beginning of changing of my lifestyle to suit a particular someone, to the changes in attitude and until most recently, I might actually comprehend in changing my job to be closer not only that someone, but to the family on both sides as well. And it’s not something that is forced upon me for this change, it’s just that something clicked in my mind and that would be something that I should do. So should I…? Deep down, I will, it’s only a matter of time…

But there you go, if I’m back in KL full-time, how will that change my life in regards to my new found status quo? For the better? Hypothetically, yes. Well, why shouldn’t it be better? But then again, remember that comforting space I mentioned?

People tell me I shouldn’t think so much into these things, that “life will take its course”. My thoughts on it is that whatever you do, you will end up in the same destination, only the road to that destination was different. But I do wonder. I always did wonder, what would my life be on the roads not taken? Would my life be happier if a certain decision on any given day leads me to a different road? Or would it be far worse? Or would it actually be anything like what it is currently right now?

I never mentioned much to anyone about my many opportunities to work in Singapore. I was a hair’s breath away from working in Singapore upon my graduation from the UK (working in UK is a whole different story). But it didn’t materialize, I chose not go. If I ever did take that road, would my life be the way it is now? Will my Facebook photo albums filled with those photos that it is today? Would I even be married? I can’t possible consider marrying a Singaporean, can I? Last month I spent a good whole week at my company’s Asia HQ in Singapore during my company’s training course. Seeing the life not only on the streets but in the corporate environment there as well, I cannot help but to ponder how my life would change if that road to work there was taken.

“The roads not taken leads to many parallel worlds that are different but only slightly, the destination ends but the same.”

I guess that just got me thinking…

Tale of Halloween's Past...

Last year was the first time I actually participated in Halloween. I dressed up as a pimp, and my sister was my bitch. We had to walk down Jalan Bukit Bintang because we couldn't get a ride to the party, and everyone was sticking their heads out of their cars and yelling at us. It was great. And I made loads of dosh on the way to the party. Life couldn't be any damn sweeter.

Happy Halloween!!!